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I just want to be skinny!!!

12 January

I just want to be skinny….
How many times have you heard this from a friend? Ok, honestly, how many times have you heard this from your inner voice?
Now think about what you say to your friend. What is your response to them? I bet it is along the lines of “Oh darl, you’re amazing, you don’t need to be skinny. You have the best legs/arms/ bum (insert the body part of your friend that you wish you had)”.

Now compare that to the inner voice that responds to your pleads of I want to be skinny…… “Yep shouldn’t have had that ice-cream yesterday. How did you let yourself get this way? I’m not eating lunch today……”
Why are we so negative on ourselves, yet so supportive to others?
What is so special about being skinny? Really? What will happen to our lives if we were to wake up tomorrow being skinny?
Recently I had an acquaintance come up to me while we were out. “Oh my god, you look amazing, you’re so skinny” she says to me. I was enraged. Skinny? She thought I was skinny? Bugger that! I’m not skinny, I’m fit. I’m strong! Look I’ve got muscles starting to pop up! I don’t want to be seen as skinny! If she had of said this to me 3 years ago, however, I would have been elated. My, how things have changed.
It took many conversations with my hubby (my voice of reasoning) for me to accept that my idea of being fit and healthy is no longer associated with being skinny or not. And that others are not there yet. Grown women still aspire to be skinny. Why?
It has taken a very long time to get to this point. 30 odd years in fact. Being a person who has always struggled with my weight, struggled with obtaining a healthy image of myself, struggled with maintaining a healthy life style and exercise routine. I had all the excuses. “I work full time, I’m too busy to workout, I’m so tired at the end / start of the day…..blah, blah, blah. But now that I have achieved this, I want other woman to try and understand the difference between being skinny and being fit.
Well, what has created this phenomenal change in my attitude, in my perception, in me? What’s the magical secret? Here’s the secret. There is no secret. It’s going to be different for everyone.
For me it was changing my focus. I finally got it through my head that I no longer want to be a particular size in clothing; I don’t want to be a particular weight on the scales. This was a massive challenge for me. MASSIVE. It meant not getting on the scales (which was something I did constantly, almost obsessively), it meant not going shopping and trying on clothes and crying in the change rooms because I’d worked so hard and eaten such small amounts for the past 3 weeks thinking that I could buy that gorgeous dress I had seen in the window.
It meant (and this was the hardest thing I had ever done) allowing myself an hour every day to focus on me. Now, as a mother, a wife, a career woman as well as coaching CrossFit, allowing time to focus on myself was the hardest thing I’d done. At first I felt selfish, I felt guilty, I questioned myself. But guess what? I did it. No one was affected negatively. No one starved. The house didn’t fall down around us. If anything, everything ran more smoothly. Much more so than I was expecting. This change in my focus, my attitude, my drive was having an amazing effect on my body.
By taking the focus off the negative way I felt about myself and my body and focusing on improving things in the gym, such as my clean and jerk, snatch, deadlift, by learning how to kipping pull up, link toes to bar and run faster, my body changed. My body changed, and is still changing, so much so that people feel the need to comment.
In the past I have tried everything. Small group training, large group choreographed exercise routines, lengthy weights sessions, shakes, eating only carbs in the morning, not eating at all, 12 week challenges etc. You name it, I tried it. And everything failed. I failed. This started the cycle again. The self doubt, self loathing, the excuses, the over eating, the crying in the change rooms.
I was introduced to CrossFit, by my voice of reasoning, my hubby. It is honestly the most significantly beneficial thing I have ever undertaken. The focus is not on what I look like; it’s on what I can do. The community in a CrossFit box is infectious. EveryonejodieB&A wants to see you succeed. Everyone wants to see you push past your comfort zone and be better than yesterday.
Let’s be realistic. It takes time. These before and afters are about a year apart. Quick fixes don’t work. They just set you up for failure. Allow yourself the permission for it to take time. There will be times when it is hard. Push through it. It just makes your success so much sweeter in the end! Trust me, I know! I was lucky enough to have my husband in the background helping me through these times. He is my rock. Who is yours?
Look, I’m like every girl, I love a good compliment, and I no longer get worked up when someone tells me that I look skinny. I just tell them that I look fit!
CrossFit may not be for you.

The point of my rant is not that I want you to be a CrossFit convert (although that would be awesome if it was right for you as well!), rather, I want women to stop beating yourselves up about being skinny.

Change one thing in that sentence. I just want to be fit!